Life is not meant to be hard. Really, it's not! However, I find myself cuddled on the couch slightly past midnight with an old friend whom I know well. Problem is this friend is not pleasant, is quite demanding, is suffocating to be around, and does not leave easily. This friend has many names. You might know him as Stress or Bad Habit or Temptation or maybe even Disobedience. Funny thing is (at 33 years into this journey) I even know how this friend gets here. And, I have to admit that I sent more than one invite to him over the last few months -- evites, phone calls, letters, personal invitations, you name it. I invited him over and over again. He always looks quite glamorous from the "other side the fence". His grass always looks green, but by now I should know IT'S NOT! Now I want him to go away, and that really isn't an option tonight, tomorrow, or even next week.
You see when he's here, he rather gets in the way. I find myself stumbling over him all day. He's consuming and totally life sucking. Sometimes, like today on my drive home, I tried to squash him (in my mind at least). Guess what? It didn't work! And, tonight I tried to ignore him. Guess what? That didn't work either! Maybe tomorrow I'll try to work him to death, literally. Guess what? I already know that won't work because I've tried that before.
Frankly, I think my husband describes him best as "trading good for best" because you see, for me, this friend is not bad. It's just that he's not BEST. As much as I want to make him BEST and think that GOOD is what I want, when I get it I find it's not. It's just not. There's only one BEST, and it's spelled out for me in black and white (actually more than once - Matt. 11:29 for example). You would think someone with my skills (basic literacy) could read, comprehend, and apply plain text, but evidently I can't or don't or won't. I'm not sure which it is, but I'm pretty sure it's either don't or won't.
So here I find myself humbly looking at BEST and sitting with GOOD. He'll be here for several more weeks as I slowly rid myself of him. And in the meantime I'll be praying mercy over my invite and grace over my next encounter with him.
